Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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