he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
