don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
