Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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