shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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