The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
