There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
