I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
