and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
