Redeem this text for a blowjob
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
