He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
