do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
