Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
