I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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