He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
