Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
