final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
