i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
