I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
