You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
