You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
