loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
