I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
