So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
