Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
