I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
