i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
