well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
