mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I lost the right to judge tonight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
