In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
