my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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