Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
