Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
