i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
