there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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