she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
