I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
