i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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