Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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