ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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