I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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