ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
