; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
