i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
