how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
