dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
