update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
