dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
