my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
