We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
