yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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