rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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