I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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